You're standing outside a restaurant next to a phone booth when, suddenly, it rings. Your gut tells you not to answer it, but with each ring you can't resist. Finally you pick up the phone-and end up having the most amazing night of your life.
Write a story on any subject but don't use any adjectives or adverbs. Focus on using precise verbs or nouns to convey the moods or feelings you are aiming for
Ring………
Ring………
Ring………
Ring………
(Is that phone going to ring all night?) Mike asked himself.
Ring………
Ring………
Ring………
(I can’t answer it. Mary might come along. She’s late as it is and I don’t want to lose the reservation.)
Ring………
Ring………
Ring………
(It could be an emergency. Oh hell)
“Hello?” Mike answered.
“Hello yourself. This is Fred Farker from QQQ. How would you like to be a Millionaire?”
“Huh?” Mike gulped at the receiver. “Is this a joke?”
“I can tell you never listen to radio mister. Name the 3 songs and win a million bucks. That sir is not a joke. Do you want to play or not?”
“Ok, sure,” Mike replied. “What do I do?”
“I’ll play a song and you have 20 seconds to name it. Name all 3 and the million is yours. Shall we start.”
“Nothing to lose for me. Play on Fred”, Mike rejoined.
♫♪♪♫♫♫ twittered the telephone.
“Easy” rejoiced Mike. “Words, by the Bee Gees”
“Correct”, retorted Fred, “although the name is enough. Ready for two?”
“Ready Freddy”, Mike chuckled.
♫♪♪♫♫♫ was thrown out the speaker. This time a classic, by chance a song that his mother played over and over and over and over when Mike was a boy. “Not one person in a hundred would know this one”, he thought to himself.
"My Ladye Nevells Booke” by William Byrd.”
After eternity passes…. “Correct again.” squeaks Fred.
“Song three. Get this one correct and the million is yours.”
Another bit of ♫♪♪♫♫♫ from the phone.
(Oh God. That’s the song Mary always hums.) Mike thinks. And as he thinks, along comes Mary.
“Oh Mike I’m so sorry I’m late. Let’s go in. Sorry, sorry.”
“It’s ok honey. Listen to this song. What is it?”
Mary puts her ear to the phone and her face lights up. “Oooooooo”, she squeals. “Where did you get that? Nobody ever plays it.”
“Later. What’s it called?”
“Why it’s Meet me at the Market by the Tadpoles”
“Fred is it ‘Meet me at the Market’ by the Tadpoles?”
There is a silence on the phone, seconds of silence, before Fred croaks “We have a millionaire. That is correct.”
Later after Fred and Mike have set up a time for Mike to visit QQQ for pictures and the presentation of the money, Mike explains it all to Mary.
“Wow” gasps Mary. “And to think that if I had been on time, you wouldn’t have heard the phone and none of this would have happened. What must you be thinking now?”
“I was thinking that now I’ll never know whether you married me for myself or my money.”
“Why Mister Jones, did I just hear a proposal?”
“Miss Smith, I believe you did.”
3 comments:
Hi Rick!
As you'll have gathered from my laughter, I enjoyed the story immensely. I got two stories in this: one about a lucky (and clever) contest winner, and one a love story.
I loved your character, Mike. I enjoyed his matter-of-factness, and the direct way he approached the phone call AND the return of Mary. I liked the humour; I liked the dialogue, especially the concluding lines (but also the contest guy's lines). I liked your music notes :-)
Suggestions? - only around punctuation, really. Scrap the brackets at the beginning, add the odd comma and tighten up the punctuation around the quote marks.
Re the distinctions: Backstory - isn't any, doesn't need any. Dialogue: really enjoyable and authentic. Adjs & advs: only a couple that I found. Heh heh.
Kerry says:
This is a fun romantic story, Rick. Loosely based on Slumdog Millionaire perhaps where the unexpected happens and the player by chance is able to answer all three questions to win $1000000 and get the girl. And you did it without using adjectives or adverbs. (Well, Heather says she found a couple.)
I loved the plot, how you worked out how Mike would know the answers, especially involving Mary in it. Delicious little bit where Mike replies to Mary when she asks what he's thinking at the end.
I found the format with the rings a bit off-putting, too dominating. Unless you had concrete writing in mind where the structure of the actual words and sentences conveys something to the reader. Which it did now I think about it. Very annoying having the phone ring so insistently. Nice one, Rick.
Hi Rick
I thought your story was very clever and I found I had a permanent smile on my face. The story is about Mike, whilst waiting for Mary (his date) takes a call in a call box. And he wins 1 million dollars from the most obscure and unlikely musical questions.
What I really liked was the easy dialogue and I specially loved the title of Mary's piece - very imaginative and silly!! I also liked the idea of Fred queaking.
Re improvements, I agree with Kerry about the brackets at the beginning of the story. I'm not sure ho one should show thoughts as opposed to speaking, I usually put it into quotes. But I don't know.
Sorry I missed the subtly of combining the two prompts. Not being as clever as Heather, I haven't found the odd adjective. Nice work, and quite different a piece from you.
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