Wednesday 24 February 2010

Animal Instincts by Peta

It was early afternoon and I awoke refreshed but ravenous after a long nap. A soft mewing sound escaped as I yawned widely. Uncurling I stretched out, arching my back. As I performed the ritual downward echidna pose, my spines came to life, the protective arrows pointing in all directions. I stood unsteadily, shaking my bootie in an effort to inject some enthusiasm into my sleepy joints and limbs. The dusty film that had settled like a blanket clouded the air around me.

As I emerged from my shelter in the rocky crevice the bright afternoon sun seared into my small dark eyes. “Ouch” I muttered blinking back tears.

Below my kingdom lay before me. The only discernable movement was the bugs and butterflies littering the airspace. Spiderwebs crisscrossed from trunk to trunk creating lacey patterns on the dry earth as the sunlight streaked through the trees. The air was stiflingly humid.

It was hard adjusting to this solitary life. Not long ago as a puggle I was surrounded by the comfort of mummy’s love and guidance. I missed the warmth of her body cuddled up to me, her heart beating in time with mine. She fed me well, kept me warm and protected. But then the spines grew and everything changed. I was cast out on my own, alone and lonely.

My tummy rumbled loudly like the night skies. Hmm lunchtime. I hadn’t yet got the hang of this hunting thing but there was nothing like an appetite to focus my attention. I quickly found the tracks of other echidna to lead me to a fertile feeding ground. I ambled along, my barrel-like body rolling from side to side. With short stout limbs, mummy had always said we were made for comfort not speed. Then that funny sensation started again. My nose was vibrating and it felt really weird. Mum had explained “the electro-receptors in your snout will let you know a meal is nearby”.

Lunch, bring it on.

Saliva pooled in my mouth and my tummy gurgled. My long tongue filled my mouth uncomfortably. It seemed to swell on queue. I stuck it out and it flicked back and forth, limbering up for the task ahead. “Natural Instincts” mum had said.

I marched on now with more determination. The vibrating was really getting strong, it must be close. Then there it was. A large ochre mound rose up from the earth before me. Ha, soldier ants are on the menu today.

With my long beak, I burrowed into the anthill, using my legs to scratch and dig at the soil. The ants dispersed in all directions. Antfantrymen attacked me. I hated this part. They ran straight up my legs biting away. When would they learn not to bother? I flicked my tongue out, up and around sucking the insects into my mouth. It was full to overflowing. Ants popped as I crushed them between the horny plates on the roof of my mouth and tongue. Delicious!

5 comments:

Scriveners said...

Hi Peta

A junior echindna does what mummy says and, and as a result, gets lunch.

A great characterisation of a modern budding echidna hunter, dare I say female, judging by her vocabulary. She has a bootie, not a bottom, and a tummy, not a stomach. She does downward echidna poses. It's only a short time since puggleness, but she's got to leave that behind and grow up now. And, I was right there cheering her success.

Any improvement - maybe a more dramatic ending?

sue moffitt said...

I just love your opening para. I saw echidna doing a downward dog yoga pose!! It is a wonderful hook and has me instantly transported to the bush. The para describing the bugs is also absolutely fabulous - great word pictures.

In fact I just love your whole story. I have no suggestions other than you should have it published.

Antfantrymen - what a brilliant word

Rick said...

Fascinating take on the prompt, having an echidna stalking and eating ants. Well done.

I liked the way in which you project the life of an echidna and what it faces. And I like your humour - "Antfantrymen" indeed! I hope you were accurate in your details so if I use some of your stuff when I talk about echidnas I don't sound like an idiot.

A nice little children's story.

Scriveners said...

Heather says:

We are transported into the world of a feisty, young echidna. She has a full-blown sense of life and a colourful world view. The author also has a piquant sense of humour and a colourful world view!

I love the language and the images. The ritual downward echidna pose, spines coming to life, shaking of the bootie - they are such human concepts and yet bring that little echidna to life brilliantly.

Suggestion - maybe just to give it a quick scan for point of view. "Small dark eyes"? "barrel-like body"?

I loved the story, Peta. More fun than a barrel of echnidnas.

Scriveners said...

Kerry says:
An almost scientific story about the coming-of-age of an echidna, learning to fend for itself in the big wide world.

I liked how you were able to describe the echidna's transition from babyhood to independence. I got a real insight into the life of an echidna. More than I ever knew about their life cycle. I like the personal tone of the adventure written in the first person.

Not sure mummy would actually have used the word 'electro-receptors' but who knows?