No way out (by Heather)

28 February 2010. Write about the discovery that a 'brick wall' limitation is actually an illusion.

The day you find out that your dad is a killer is a bad day.

Jay slumped under the tea tree hedge, considering his dilemma. With his arms wrapped around his legs, he smacked his head hard onto his knees.

He struggled to think carefully about his problem. He was eight years old, too young really to live on his own yet. He could go to his friend Simon’s a few blocks over, or catch the bus to Grandma’s – but sure as anything they’d call his dad. His dad would come with his big black truck, grab Jay by the arm and drag him with almost no words back to the vehicle. Jay would sit tight to the window, but soon enough they’d be home.

And there he’d be, living with the killer again.

He whacked his head against his knees once more, trying to shake a smart thought into it.

Because there was also the question of Bella.

If he was going to save Bella, he’d need to take her with him. She didn’t move very fast any more and he for sure couldn’t get her up the steps onto the bus. Also, she still ate a lot. He’d have to get dog food. He might have to get into stealing. He’d never done anything like that before, but he could turn to crime if he had to. He peered out through the leaves, where he could just see Bella lying at the foot of the steps.

Seeing Bella reminded him of the conversation he’d overheard a little while ago. He’d walked into the kitchen just as his dad said into the telephone, “Well, I’ll bring her in, then, and we’ll put her down.”

He knew they were talking about Bella, and he knew what “put her down” meant. His dad intended to kill Bella. Jay had bolted from the house.

And then, right there under the tea tree, with his head back tight to his knees, he had another realisation.

His dad had most likely killed his mum.

His head throbbed with the insight. His mum had simply disappeared about a week ago. In the morning she was there. When he got home from school, she was gone. By the time his dad got home, it was dark and Jay was plenty worried.

He’d been worried ever since. His dad had been grumpy, mean, hollering at him over nothing – all week. When he thought about it now, Jay could see it was the way a killer would behave.

He thought about his mum and experienced a feeling like an arrow piercing his heart. She was beautiful and he loved her heart and soul.

He ached with missing her. He ached with concern about Bella. He ached with hate for his killer dad.



Jay heard a door slam and anxiously peered through the branches. He could see his dad standing there on the veranda, one of his killer hands pressed against the rail, the other shielding his eyes from the late afternoon sun. Jay shuddered inside as he looked at the man who he now realised was capable of anything. There was a twisted look on that executioner face.

“Jay? Jay, are you out here?” his dad’s rough voice said.

Jay waited until his dad went inside, then crept out of his hiding place. He tiptoed to the foot of the steps where Bella still sprawled. He quietly cajoled her to her feet, half dragging her by her collar. He got her down the drive way and headed down the block, his heart thundering with the effort as well as with the fear of getting caught.

He was part way down the block when he remembered the Rawson’s tool shed. They didn’t generally keep it locked, and it could be a good place to hide until he could figure out something better to do. He cautiously pulled Bella around the side of the Rawson house. He slipped the latch on the tool shed and coaxed Bella inside. He closed the door softly behind him, then slid to the floor.

Gratefully Bella dropped down, putting her chin on Jay’s lap.

His heart continued to pound, his problem seeming bigger than ever. He had never in his life felt so alone, so desperate. There was no one he could trust. He hadn’t known that your heart could feel pain like this, or how your stomach could clench so tight, or how your breath could hurt. He pressed close to Bella, who whimpered softly. He watched the dust motes swirl through patches of sunlight coming through the side walls. He felt a little more peaceful when he tried to trace their paths, so he did that for awhile.



The next thing he knew was when Bella started whining beside him. He jerked his eyes open and his head shot up. It was completely dark. He struggled to remember where he was and his heart started raced again.

Suddenly he could hear his dad, calling. “Bella? Come on girl, where are you? Jay? Jay?”

Bella barked. A moment later, he heard his dad fumbling with the latch. He poured himself back as far as he could, but there wasn’t much hope really when Bella was there letting the whole world know where he was. He heard the shed door open, then a flashlight shone all over him. He could see a faint outline of his killer dad behind the bright stream of light. He ducked his head down, cowering under a shelf. Terror raced through every limb of his body. He wanted to scream but no sound would come out.

His situation was hopeless, completely hopeless.



A little while later he was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot chocolate in front of him. His father had his big hands cupped close around his own little ones, not quite touching. Jay looked at those hands closely, wondering how he could ever have thought they could do anything bad. He was wondering how anything could change as fast as his fear had turned into relief.

“Your mother is like a bird, Jay,” his dad was saying. “She needs to fly, she needs her freedom. It’s not that she doesn’t love you; it’s just that she needs to try out this other life that she has in her mind. I spoke with her today and she said that when she’s settled you’re to come and visit her.”

Jay remained silent, looking up at his dad. He thought about his mother, and how sometimes you felt like you could put your hand through her, like she wasn’t really there at all. Maybe that’s how it was for a bird that really needed to be free.

“But that’s not how it is for me,” his dad continued. “What I need is you. I love you and I love Bella. But Bella is old, old, old, and she’s in an awful lot of pain. The vet will put her off to sleep and she’ll be in peace. That’s two bad things happening to us, to you and me. And then nothing more bad is likely to happen for a long, long while. We’ll get a puppy, you’ll see your mum every now and then, and life will be pretty good again.” His hands moved a tiny bit closer to Jay’s. “Can you hear this, Jay? Are you okay inside that quiet little head of yours?”

Jay pushed around the side of the table, climbing into his dad’s arms. His heart hurt a little about Bella, it hurt about his mum – but when he reached up to touch his dad’s face, he knew just the two of them would be okay.

“No puppy for awhile yet, okay, Dad?”