(In under 500 words, and using no more than 10 adjectives, write the story of
your escape from great danger.)
Under the weight of concrete, I know I will not be able to surface at this time and perhaps at any time. I know this for a fact. I think I know how I got here. I have a memory of being here before, and if that is the case, I must have escaped somehow. For the moment, the frayed filament of this thought keeps me from hysteria.
The stress on my body is enormous, and yet I recognise I am still breathing. My breath is shallow. How is it that I can breathe with my body bearing this pressure?
The force of the mass holding me down, the crush of this load tyrannises me. I am cast down, and I understand I cannot get out of this on my own.
But now, I hear voices nearby. Who? What are they saying? Murmuring. What are they doing? What is their intent? Are they strangers? Can they save me? Do they see me under this weight because I surely cannot make a sound to save myself?
In consultation with Michaela and her husband, Professor Vargas had spoken to them, measuring his words like a slow-release medication. “We have come a long way since the old days of shock therapy. We will administer ECT now only with your consent. We give it in an operating theatre where the patient is anaesthetized and given muscle relaxants.
“We are not doing this indiscriminately; it’s being done because with serious, life-threatening depression, these are the most effective treatments we have. There is the risk of loss of memory, but, in the balance, it’s likely there will be a big improvement after some of these treatments.”
The psyche nurse dressed Michaela in a gown. It took two nurses to get her onto the gurney as her condition was near catatonic. An orderly wheeled her into the anteroom for prepping by the anaestheologist. . The full anesthesia would be administered intravenously in the theatre. Electrodes attached to Michaela’s scalp would conduct electrical current, causing her to have a grand mal seizure - hopefully positively altering her brain’s electrochemical processes.
Waking groggily in the recovery room, Michaela was wholly unaware of the procedure she had undergone. Back in her room, she was bone-tired and soon fell asleep for the rest of the day.
Late in the evening when Michaela eventually opened her eyes, she spent some minutes adjusting to the haziness of the room.
She sensed space in her mind, a welling up of lightness in her spirit, bordering on elation.
She could see she was a patient in hospital. There were flowers, a family photo. She couldn’t place a single one of the five figures in the frame, and she didn’t know why she was in this hospital setting.
What was plainly palpable, though, was the peace she felt. The past was not an issue and the future unimportant. She trusted everything was as it was meant to be in this moment, and then, in this moment, too.
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6 comments:
This seemed a very real experience. At first I thought Michaela was trapped in a collapsed building but then as you introduce the backstory the reader gets an insight of the great heavy weight of the depression she has sufferred from . Very clevery done. The dialogue seemed typical of many MDs, matter of fact and distanced.
But I particualrly liked the ending and the happy place she is left in with hope for the future.
A great read. Thanks.
From Gordon
A real puzzle of a story to the end. Great to see you did it with few adjectives, but you may have just exceeded the 10--(eg frayed, shallow, slow-release, big, full, grand mal, positively, recovery, family, single, five). Your story had me wonder and speculate about what was going on and in this way really held my interest. Also, a neat back story which effortlessly went forward to the real action in the theatre.
Was not sure how your last sentence was intended to be read. Was it the 'next' moment? Of course, it may not matter.
A wonderful story, Eve. I found it so compelling.
Your character is living, or rather DYING, in a fog of depression, is treated with ECT, and awakes with a new sense of life.
The first person paragraphs are so strong. For awhile I took it literally, surmising it was a Chilean earthquake story, panicked with her, said AHA when the nearby voices came. So it was breathtaking to realise that I had that all wrong and it was not a physical entrapment at all. Wow.
I've reread the story a few times, and I'm still not completely sure why you switched Point of View from first to third. It works on some level, particularly as it really delineates the clinical second part. I love the mystery of it. But I'd like to be more certain that she emerged from the concrete enough that she heard all that the doctor said and gave informed consent. It was a big leap when she was SO internal and then became part of the world again (even before the ECT).
I loved it.
The last 5 paragraphs of this story are so graphic. Michaela is almost aware of nothing except who she is. You paint so simply a world that could be fear and panic but is just the opposite. The language is soothing and pacifying.
Good back-story to illuminate what's going on, but I'm still trying to figure out the opening scene and where it fits. Is this Michaela's life before the therapy? Is this how she lives day to day? Or is this just her experience on the gurney before being wheeled into the operating theatre?
A very original story.
Eve this is story has wonderful depth and incredible imagery. It tells the story of Michaela, in hospital with depression who undergoes ECT to cure or assist with her life threatening illness.
I loved the word pictures created at the beginning with the depression weighing her down as if she was under a huge weight, a building of concrete. Then the contrast after the ECT was extraordinary. You set up the possible side effects of the ECT, postive and negative in a well crafted back story.
I found the end few paras less engaging told in the 3rd person rather than the 1st. The beginning so just so powerful and more experiencial.
It's an amazing subject. Do you have any experience of depression? well done and a good read.
Kerry says:
Story of a psych patient who had apparently been trapped under a fallen building.
I love the way the fallen building turns out to be the crushing, numbing after-effects of anaesthesia. This is so well told. I like how the prof 'measured his words like a slow-release medication' already anaesthetising his patient. What a tragedy that Michaela appears to have lost her memory. Will she get it back or is that one of the sacrifices made to alleviate depression>
Great story Eve. Thanks.
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