Wednesday 27 January 2010

The money or the box (Kerry)

Do you have choices? Write a story of 500-750 words about making choices (or not) and the consequences.

“Choices suck.” Mary spat the words out. Her friend, Jess, nodded sympathetically.

“Why do I have to choose between the man and the job? Why can’t I have both?” Mary moaned.

“Well, there are a couple of things about that,” Jess said, considering the possibilities. “Firstly, if you’d got a job in London where Frank lives you wouldn’t have to choose. Secondly, you could have both if you could persuade Frank to go to Egypt with you.”

“You know I applied for lots of jobs in London but they didn’t suit me. I’m more interested in adventure and challenging myself. All the London jobs would have me stuck in an office behind a desk, never seeing the sunshine. And Frank is already dreaming of the brass plaque on his door etched with the word ‘Registrar’.”

Mary closed her eyes and stretched out on the sofa. She had been busy since early that morning packing boxes and suitcases. She and Jess had been sorting through the accumulated mass collected over the last three years. Mary had already disposed of a pile of stuff to throw out, boxes full of stuff to recycle and plastic bags of stuff to send to Vinnies.

“My whole life in six packing boxes,” she sighed as she surveyed the heavily taped boxes labelled ‘Mary Jenkins, Cairo’. “Those six boxes represent a lot of choices. I wonder if I’ll have regrets down the track.”

“I reckon you should savour the moment, Mary. My family can’t move without hiring a couple of container trucks these days. So much stuff to carry around.”

The girls were interrupted by the doorbell. Frank stood at the door, dishevelled, eyes bloodshot. He mumbled something incoherent as he stumbled through the doorway and fell ungracefully onto the end of the sofa that Mary had hastily vacated.

“I think he said he needs a strong coffee,” Jesse smiled and walked out to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

“I haven’t been drinking, Mary,” Frank protested softly as he sat up. “I’ve been up all night. Not at the hospital. I just couldn’t sleep. I’ve been walking since two this morning.”

Mary sat beside him on the sofa. She held his hand as he struggled to go on.

“I was devastated when you told me last week that you were going to accept the Egypt job. My life was going well, good hospital, new apartment. And I had you. I put on a brave face at the time. I could see it was a good choice for you. But as soon as you had gone the reality began to seep in. How could I live without you here with me? I know we had agreed that it would be best to split and see how things went for a few months. But….”

Frank paused and wiped a hand wearily across his eyes. He laid his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes.

“I know,” Mary whispered. “It’s so hard. I wish we didn’t have to choose.”

Frank sat up again.

“That’s the thing. That’s why I’m here, why I’ve been up all night. I’ve made a choice. I’m going to quit my job at the hospital, join Medecins Sans Frontieres and come with you to Cairo. I’ll be with you in two months. We can live a life of adventure together.”

Mary jumped up, shouting to Jess, “It’s going to work out. Frank’s coming too.”

She pulled the protesting Frank to his feet and danced him around the room.

1 comment:

Scriveners said...

Heather says:

Mary confronts a classic decision: a romantic and rewarding job OR a relationship with a man who is wedded to his own job in another part of the world. Her certainty and commitment are strong enough that he is willing in the end to change HIS career in order to be with her.

As readers, we like the outcome. Frank's new job choice sounds like a winner and Mary gets BOTH the things she is committed to.

I liked the compactness of the interaction between the 3 characters in the story. I liked the metaphor of the packing boxes and all the little choices that they represented.

I wonder if your dialogue could have personalised the characters more. Mary's first omment, "Choices suck", establish her as a bit of a rogue - maybe more of her dialogue could have been slangier and spicier.