Thursday 13 August 2009

sue's flying piece

What would happen if you could fly whenever you wanted? When would you use this ability?

My name is Pluto or that’s my nickname anyway. I can fly which has me be a fairly unusual kind of a guy. My Dad could fly too but he always taught me never to abuse my privileges, to only use my skills to the betterment of mankind. Even though I am tempted to flap those wings when I’m in a traffic jam cause I absolutely hate breathing those exhaust fumes and I’m usually running late for my meeting, I still hear Dad’s voice
“Son, don’t do it. You will regret giving up on yourself. Do it once and it’s like eating chocolate or chips, it will become a nasty habit”. Dad wins the argument and I turn up the music on the car radio, shut the windows and if it’s really bad, put one of those infectious hospital masks on.
My friends don’t know about my skills, but they often comment on “how come so and so got to the hospital in record time, or how come the bush fire stalled at the cross roads even though the emergency guys were in the next suburb etc”
Just to give you an example of when I use my skills here’s a little story.
The cyclone advanced at such a pace, no one in the little village was prepared. I could see on my radar screen people going about their normal business, the kids were being dropped off to go to school, Dad was almost at the office and the shop keepers were opening up and putting their wares out on the pavement. I could also see on my radar screen angry black bilbous clouds rolling and somersaulting, yelling to each other to ramp up, screaming encouragement to gather their forces and attack.
Down in the village, the flags started flapping, just gently then within just a few breaths, the flags were ripped off their masts and bits of material disappeared up into the air. Corrugated iron roofs started rattling in their bolts and windows started to judder and shake. It was time. I couldn’t stop the wind but I could save the school, the kids.
I put on my flying suit, a shiny padded all in one number. I looked like a bit of a tin foil man but it was very effective, light and warm. I climbed up onto my roof, wound up my arms just like the blades of a helicopter and jumped. And I flew.
In just a split second, I swooped down into the market place and collected a few hefty Persian carpets. They were weightless up in the air and they flew behind me just like a banner of hope. I got to the school yard just as the kids were breaking for morning tea. By now the wind was howling around the yard and the kids huddled in the doorways, looking a bit nervous. I landed, the Persian carpets floated down.
“OK, you lot. Let’s go. There’s no time to loose, we are off to the fun fair.”
It was weird, they took it all in their stride. As if people often landed in their yard with carpets in tow to take them to the fair. The howling was not important any more, the fairy floss was. They jumped on board and off we went. It was bumpy to start with but before long we were high above those angry clouds.
The gates of heaven stood wide open. A funny grinning face with a few missing teeth, just like Sydney’s Luna Park, welcomed the kids inside. They were just so excited, they rushed from the fairy floss stand, to the ten pin bowling to the roller coaster ride. When they were so tired they could hardly stand, they dragged their feet back to the entrance way to get back on their carpets. There was no carpet. Only the lopsided grinning face.

3 comments:

Scriveners said...

Kerry says:

So this is Superman but flying in the manner of a helicopter! Good fun, Sue. I reckon Pluto's Dad was a bit of a party-pooper. Sounds to me as though Pluto had the good of mankind at heart. Specially when he rescues the kids from school and takes them to the fair for the rest of the day.

I couldn't quite understand why the carpets had disappeared at the end. How was Pluto going to get the kids back to school?

For readability, it would help to space the paragraphs out.

I was concerned when you referred to the gates of heaven being wide open that perhaps the children had really died and Pluto was like an angel, but that didn't fit with the rest of the story.

Scriveners said...

Heather says:

A fun, whimsical piece. I loved the description of flying, in particular the early part of the scene with the cyclone in the little village.

Perhaps you could set your story clearly in a traffic jam, where Pluto thinks and reminisces while fighting his impulse to just truck on out of there! Maybe he sees a little kid, which reminds him of his story.

As Kerry said, I was a little baffled by what really happened at the ending.

Rick said...

I like your opening. You set up Pluto so succinctly and we get the whole story through his POV. He has a special gift not to be used frivolously. He's not a must take all the credit kind of guy.

Nice touch with the cyclone, giving it a persona getting ready to wage battle against the humans.

The ending though left me baffled. Were the kids actually taken to an amusement park to calm their fears? Did they die and was that heaven? (Not much of a rescue then was it Pluto?) And what happened to the carpets? Possibly a very twisted, Stephen King type of ending, where they actually are in some hell-like nightmare?