Tuesday 25 August 2009

poor pete by peta

Jack and Kate floated silently. It was perfect. The sky was ink black, the milky way sparkled like an expensive diamond necklace. Kate was mesmerized. Occasionally Jack would kick to keep himself afloat. Kate had never needed to do that. Deep breathing was enough. She loved it. The feeling of the cool water tickling her ears and temples, outlining her body, slowly lapping against her skin. There was nothing quite like the freedom and serenity of floating. It was effortless.

Muffled sounds vibrated underwater disturbing the peace.

“Shut up Jack” Kate said without shifting her position. Kate concentrated on holding her starfish pose, legs and arms stretched out in all directions. A shooting star breached across the night sky. Magic. The annoying underwater sounds continued.

“Jack will you shut up. I can hear you and I don’t want to hear you.”

But the magic has gone. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Jack splashing around. Kate bolted upright in the water and thumped Jack on the back. He’s upright too but still now. She noticed his eyes fixed straight ahead, his mouth slightly agape. Kate’s eyes followed his stare. In the darkness she made out a shadow in the pool.

“What the fuck is that?”

No reply.

“Jack?” She thumped him on the back again.

When he finally spoke his voice was low and husky. “I think it’s a body”

Kate laughed but one look at Jack wiped the smile from her face. Turning her head her eyes focused on the body “Shit!”

Kate dived forward and swam frantically to the pools edge. She grabbed at the side trying to get a grip to hoist herself out. At last she was lying on the poolside, gasping for air, hyperventilating. Jack had followed and stood over her as he stared at the corpse. Dragging herself up Kate stood next to Jack and followed his gaze.

“Oh my god. Its Pete.”

They stared at the face they knew so well, now bloated and contorted.

“What the hell are we going to do.”

“call the cops”

Kate was shivered uncontrollably despite the midsummers heat. Shock she thought.
She dropped to her knees gripping the pools edge “Pete, Pete what happened to you?”

Jack stood stiff as a board, silent. Then,

“We have to go. NOW.”

“What?” Kate said “we can’t leave him here like this, alone.”

“Come on Kate we have to go now. We broke in here and now Pete, our friend is dead in the pool. Forget trespassing, we could be in some serious shit.”

“Not as serious as Pete.” Kate said softly.

“Stay if you want, I’m off”.

Jack was already running towards the fence clutching his clothes. He scrambled to get his gear on before disappearing into the darkness. The thud of his sneakers faded on the concrete path as he raced away.

He’s right Kate thought. There’s nothing I can do for Pete now. Her clothes were heaped on an old deckchair. She grabbed them as she turned and ran. Suddenly disoriented by the night light she fell o the ground with a heavy thud. She run straight into the brick wall of the changing rooms. Dizzy and bruised she supported herself with her hands as she prepared to lift up.

Shiny black boots appeared in her line of vision. “So miss, what’s going on here?” I think you have some explaining to do.”

3 comments:

Scriveners said...

Kerry says:

I like the way you set the scene, Peta, so calm, serene, quiet as we concentrate on Kate floating. And then you turn it upside-down with noises and distress.

The structure of the story held my attention too. Jack disappears out of the picture and leaves Kate to face the music. Neat ending.

Exciting piece of writing.

sue moffitt said...

Peta I love the beginning. You have created wonderful word pictures to set the peaceful scene. I particularly love the "was tickling her ears".

You've created a very powerful and complete story. Well done for structure.

I enjoyed the different reaction to finding Pete. Jack doing a bunk but Kate much more empathetic to Pete's plight. and I can see her running into the wall!!

Well done. I can't think of any improvements.

Unknown said...

Heather says:

A beautiful little story, with characters I could begin to understand, a compelling plot and wonderful imagery.

The first paragraph really captured me, as I love the water and could really identify. You might need to establish here that the setting is a pool - being so familiar with the prompt, I didn't notice it until I reread it.

I would have liked to know a bit more about how Pete fitted into their lives, but that might be just my unnatural curiosity.

I'm ready for chapter 2! You might have a novel here.