Stirred (Jenny)

My words hang in the air, reverberating silently, reaching into the very fabric of the Universe. He looks at me, and in the charged silence, a life shifts awkwardly, trapped in a space which no longer fits like a glove.

Fear and wonder surge behind those green eyes, and in my gut an answering surge lets me know that something indescribable is happening. I settle into the feeling. This is my favourite place, the pivot point between survival and something much, much more.

The silence extends, not uncomfortable, but profoundly engaging. I listen intently, watching his manicured hand as it strokes his fashionably-stubbled chin.

Finally, he speaks.

“I never thought of it like that,” he says. “I fought so hard to get to where I am – I always thought it was a good thing to be able to buy the most expensive thing on the menu.”

His eyes are bright, looking through me, looking at his life from a different angle. He picks up his cognac and studies the dark golden spirit.

“But it's true, you know – it has been a compulsion. Not only could I buy the most expensive thing on the menu, I actually had to. I was proving to myself that I could.”

“Over and over,” I agree gently, leaning harder on the pivot point.

“Over and over,” he nods, and visions of countless restaurants, bars and casinos dance in the precious space we share.

“Think how much money I can save,” he muses.

“It's not about the money,” I prompt. He has more than enough cash to buy anything his heart desires. “Think about having the freedom to choose what you really want.”

His eyes unfocus, and a broad smile appears. For a moment, the boy inside is visible.

“You mean I might actually order a grilled cheese sandwich?”

“If that's what you really want.”

He laughs out loud, incredulous yet believing.

“You know, after this conversation, I think I actually could.”

He shakes his head, reaches out and takes my hand. His green eyes meet mine, suddenly serious and deep. Secret bells ring silent in the sacred space between us.

“You say the most amazing things, you know. Of all the people I know, you are the most stimulating to talk to. I always go away a changed man.”

He turns to face me more directly. “A better man,” he emphasises.

“Thank you for the privilege,” I reply gently.

His eyes unfocus, and he laughs again.

“A grilled cheese sandwich. Unthinkable! I have to order one.”

“Have to?”

“Just to prove to myself that I can.”

“Oh, really?”

He drops my hands and sits up straight.

“Dammit, woman, I want a grilled cheese sandwich and I am going to order one!”

“Because that's what you really want?”

“Yes!”

The thought settles in, and the sacred space shifts again.

“I'm going to have what I really want ...”

His voice fades and falters slightly. He looks down, but I have already seen – and felt – the tears in those magnificent green eyes.

I sit in the space, holding it safe. Holding him safe, while he rebuilds himself from within.

This is what I do. I change lives.

I hold the sacred space, for a minute, for this moment, for eternity.