“Heather, you’ve got to be kidding. Nobody goes to Warringah Mall on Christmas Eve. In fact, nobody goes shopping on Christmas Eve.”
“Oh come on. We haven’t tried it since 1987. Things have probably changed since then. I’ll bet nobody shops anymore on Christmas Eve and we’ll just scoot right in and get the few things I need..”
Well I knew I wasn’t going to win this argument so we might as well get moving. She might even be right about no one going out anymore on Christmas Eve. Besides, I found myself feeling well into the Christmas spirit and anything felt like fun. So off we went.
But as we got to the Mall, I could see that I was right. There were cars backed up outside the parking lot and as we crept along a funny thing happened. I didn’t get angry. I still felt joyful! Hmmmm?
By this time it was dark and as we inched along looking for a parking place, I spotted a pair of backup lights just in front of us. I put on my indicator and waited as they backed out. Success! Luck favors the joyful. Just as I was about to pull in, this bright red Mercedes convertible zooms beside me and shoots into my spot. The guy leaps out, gives us a wave and runs off towards the shops. And an even funnier thing happens. I still don’t get angry and I drive on. Heather sits there stunned. I’m the guy who flies off the handle and turns the inside of the car blue with cursing when I think someone in front of me isn’t driving to my standards.
“Is something wrong Rick?”, she asks. “You’re smiling.”
“I know,” I reply. “It’s like I had one too many pieces of Kerry’s rum Christmas cake. I just can’t get annoyed at anything.”
We continued to inch along and eventually we found a spot that I’m sure was closer to home than to the shops. And still this joyful calm enveloped me.
As fate would have it, our walk to the shops found us coming up on the Mercedes and Heather says to me in this conspiratorial whisper, “Come on. Let’s write “Merry Christmas creep” on his windscreen with my lipstick. There’s no one around.”
“Nope. Just not in me. Let’s go shopping.”
As we approached the car, I heard this far off voice above shout out “Bombs away.” And suddenly this barrage of what looked like and smelled like caribou poo came out of nowhere and filled the front seats of the Mercedes. We stood there stunned and the driver came around the corner and screamed out, “Hey, who did that to my car? I’ll sue!” And he jumped back as another couple of dozen turds landed on the bonnet.
And as the three of us stood there mesmerized by what had just happened, this faint voice was heard from high up somewhere. “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.”
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3 comments:
Heather says: As Rick knows, I nearly fell off my chair laughing at this. It probably helps to be an insider and catch all the jokes, but nevertheless it's a very funny story in a compelling writing style. Thanks for the laugh of the day, Rick. (Tho' I still don't believe you'd recognise a caribou poo even if you watched it emanate from a caribou.)
Yes Rick. I concur with Heather's comments. A great story and very funny. I can imagine the jokes are all the more hilarious because both of you are behaving totally out of character....Heather advocating shopping in the mall on Christmas Eve? I don't think so. And the caribou poo is a hoot!
Kerry
Hi Rick
What a great Christmas story. I really got your(?)joy as you captured many examples of where angry would naturally arise. In particular I loved the fact that you parked closer to home! What a hilarious ending. Just wonderful. I found the second half of the story a lot more powerful than the first. I think you could have left out some of the background and maybe started with para 3. Great read. Sue
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