Tuesday 27 October 2009

The Miss Laura (Gordon)

The Miss Laura

by Gordon MacAulay

Write a story containing a CD case, a banana, and a moment of passion.

Listening, you could hear the patterned lapping of the water against the bow as the Miss Laura sailed elegantly into the still waters of Zephyr Bay. Zephyr, because the wind always blew with little more than a light breeze and it was a beautiful place to sail as the sun set in a fiery display over the waters edge. Belinda stood tall on the bow holding tight to the main stay as she reflected on the stillness around her. It mesmerised her mind as her thoughts were cast a million miles away to the horizon with the setting sun. She remembered the beautiful moments of excitement she had shared as a child with her family sailing into the same bay some fifteen years ago. Now it was different. Matt held the tiller and she could feel his strong presence, although a boat length away.

“Belinda, toss it over” Matt called. Belinda took a number of seconds to flip out of her trance. “Belinda, quick or we will be on the coral!” he yelled.

Slowly the boat heeled to the anchor rope and swung to face the wind. Belinda turned to see the sun sinking through the horizon. Then it was gone, apart from a brilliant golden after glow.

Belinda could hear her own voice saying, bring back that moment, but once lost it can never return—time only goes forward, never backwards, she said to herself. As she flipped out of the transported state she became present to all the things she had to do. Habit clicked in. Go down to the galley. Prepare the food, cook the vegetables, set the table and serve it while it is hot. It an instant, this pattern was broken with an idea. She walked right up to Matt still tidying up the ropes and put her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. “Matt, lets sit on the deck with a glass of champagne and music from your favourite CD. It will float across the bay and echo off the hills”, she said.

The music floated across the water as they both sat beside each other, alone, and dangling their feet in the cool water. Belinda sipped the bubbling champagne and it tickled her nose. Matt sat beside her with an arm around her waist and his fine balloon-shaped glass glowed in the fading light of the setting sun. Belinda could feel herself becoming euphoric and ‘dreamy’. She could hear herself saying he is so good looking, so strong, so intelligent and witty—I love him. Yet, she could say nothing. Matt fiddled with the CD case and she thought, doesn't he understand.

Quietly floating past in the water was a banana skin. Matt put his glass out to scoop it up. Like a glass crashing to the floor both fell, splash, into the water and the spell was broken.

28 October 2009.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

Heather says:

Wonderfully romantic, Gordon. You put Belinda in a beautiful location and have her spin a dreamy atmosphere with such a strong mood.

And I'm intrigued about how you've told the story entirely from Belinda's point of view, with very little to anchor it to a reality we can be confident in. Who is Matt, anyway? And when she says, "doesn't he understand", what exactly is transpiring?

The ending is a very funny twist on slipping on a banana peel. I'd have loved a few more words describing how the drenching happened and giving Belinda's view of it.

Beautiful description!

sue moffitt said...

What a beautiful story Gordon. I loved it. It's so romantic. I couldn't imagine where the banana skin was going to enter the story but sure enough it did and it worked.

I love the trance that Belinda entered and I was in the experience with her. Beautiful word pictures of the sun setting.

Not sure about mesmerised her mind?

I think she's out of the transported state here?? "As she flipped out of the transported state she became present"

The story flows wonderfully with structure and ease.

Peta said...

Peta says

Gordon, what a romantic soul you are! Like Belinda I was transported to that place and want o be there now.

You had Belinda flipping a couple of times. I felt that Belinda was a bit insecure about Matt's feelings - not sure if this was right. Partially the "doesn't he understand" which could may be embellished.

It seems like a plot you could build on for a longer piece. Great use of the prompted items!