about a hermit - Peta

I travelled to this place to escape – what specifically, I have never quite been sure. My life had become ... how would you say ... mundane and meaningless. People were constantly demanding of my time, my emotions, my physical being. I was stuck in the proverbial rut. Too focussed on material possessions and instant gratification. Just like every one I knew. Carbon copies.

I was annoyed at everything and everyone. And then I snapped. Just like that. No rhyme or reason. One day I woke up and left with nothing more that the clothes on my back, the colour in my hair and a few dollars in my pocket.

I surfed the trains up the coast. No particular destination in mind until I jumped. And here I am. I was lucky to find this place, quite by chance. Wandering along the country roads, I spotted this old deserted, ramshackled cabin from the distance. How I’ll never know. Perhaps a glint of sunlight on the cracked glass of the only remaining window. Perhaps a greater power drew me here. Even now when I am looking, I struggle to see the shelter nestled in the side of the hill surrounded by dense overgrown bush.

The previous occupants had left behind bits and pieces. Rudimentary furnishings like the creaky old rocking chair straddling gappy tongue and groove. Not a hint of luxury. No electricity but a heap of firewood. I have become Tom Hanks in Castaway. How I hated that movie. It all seemed so ridiculous and contrived. Yet here I am living that life.

In the early days I fashioned tools and utensils from treasures found in the surrounding woods. I use these to fish in a nearby lake, to scale and clean my catch. Some days I have luck and some days I don’t but it doesn’t matter.

By night I watch the midnight sky. Lying back on the cold hard earth under the milky way. Eyes wide taking it all in. With no artificial light the stars twinkle, strong and bright. They have become my learned friends, sharing the mysteries of the universe. Sometimes I wish on a falling star, not for material things but for learnings and greater enlightenment.

I am under no illusions that the day will come, and perhaps soon, when I will leave this sanctuary. That I think of this humble existence in those terms still amazes me. But it is here that I have learnt to nurture my soul and my psyche. To be at peace with myself. When the time comes, whether I return “home” or simply move on, I know that I will be a different person from the emotional wreckage that stumbled upon this place, cursing and swearing and blaming everyone else for everything that had ever gone wrong. Self absorbed beyond distraction.

I have learnt that a life alone need not be a lonely life. The trick is to let go of the neediness. Soon you realise that all you truly need is to co-exist with nature and to be at peace with yourself. I am now a spiritual being. Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t found God. I didn’t look for her but I did look for me.