When my friends heard that I was taking a job for 5 months as caretaker at Sunshine Manor, they couldn’t tease me enough. “You must be mad to go up there. No wait! That’s what you’ll come back like.” “Make sure you take your exorcist with you to get rid of all the ghosts.” Those were a couple of their better ones.
But what could I expect? Ever since The Shining anyone who spent time alone in the winter months was going to cop a ribbing. It didn’t help either to point out that (a), Sunshine Manor was a private estate, not a public resort or (b), it was only 3 years old and didn’t have a history of wild and wooly characters that once inhabited it or (c), that no previous caretakers went mad there and chopped up his family or (d), that I was going to be there alone and couldn’t chop anyone up nor be chopped up or (e)…. Well I stopped giving them reasons because it just played into their childish antics. Besides what did I care what others thought about my choice?
Really what could be better? Roland Mathews III, media mogul and multibillionaire would actually PAY me to watch over his estate high up in the Rockies over the winter freeze. The place came with electric power with 2 backup generator systems, satellite internet and phone systems, 14 bedrooms, 16 bathrooms, a heated pool and spa, a kitchen with a walk in fridge and freezer bigger than my current flat and so on. And all I had to do was watch over it, make sure no pipes froze over, keep animals from breaking in and messing it up, keep the place vacuumed and clean, like that. I could do whatever I wanted in my spare time and was supplied with enough food to last me for more than a year. And if I didn’t report in every day it would be assumed that something bad had happened to me and a helicopter would be flown in. Sounded to me like Mr. Mathews had all the bases covered for any emergency. And the 5 months sounded like more than enough for me to get my novel finished.
……………..
Well half a month to go and I sure showed my “friends”. Who’s laughing now Freddy? I’ll admit the first couple of months were hard. Lots of boredom. Lots of loneliness. But then I got into the groove. Regular surfing on the internet, writing each day in my book, making new friends. Suddenly it all fell into place. I sent my novel off to seven different publishing houses yesterday. It’s bound to set off a bidding war I’m sure. Imagine an 813 page novel without a single consonant! I’m sure it’s never been done before. Mickey read it over before I sent it out (he’s my inspiration for it) and said it was destined to be a classic. (But then what does a mouse know? He’s just being nice because we’re friends. Oh, I’m just being overly modest! He’s right!)
Well I better think about getting ready for leaving here. I’ve got to place the order for the fertilizer and bleach. And I’ll have to get a plan in place for having a bath and maybe even shaving. I’m not sure what Mr. Matthews is going to think about Mickey and his family. I told him to keep them all in the guest room, but the youngsters had minds of their own and now are all over the place. Boy they sure did chew up the books! That library will never be the same. (Big deal! Most of those books were over 100 years old anyway.)
Enough thinking. I’m getting a headache again. I’ll have one last look at my emails to see if any contracts came through for the novel and then off for my usual 2 a.m. nap.
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4 comments:
Heather says:
Every time I read this I find something new to laugh at. Particularly after you've gone stark raving mad, the density of the humour gets..., well, thicker and thicker.
From the perspective of TIME, I like the two very clearly delineated timeframes. However, the experts tell us a short story should occur over no more than a few hours or day or two. You could easily solve that by having the first part be "back story". He's sitting at his desk in the manor, reminiscing about when he went for beers with his friends and they gave him such a hard time. Then back to the present (Micky runs over his foot or something) and we discover that the Rockies in winter have pretty well wiped out the guy we thought we'd begun to know.
Love the cleverness and the cheeky language!
Great story Rick. I loved the inclusion of Mickey the mouse. And you really went out there with the description of the mansion - I had a really clear image of the place, especially with the walk in fridge.
As for life as a hermit, I smiled at the need for a bath and a shave!
But I was uncomfortable with your lack of concern when the mouse had eaten all those antique books. this didn't seem to be authentic. One other thing I dont think you need that second paragraph.
Great work. Maybe we all need to become hermits to write our books!
Rick
This is full of twists and turns. It demands a few readings and Heather is right the humour of a madman comes through. Of course, you might have done much more with that in a longer piece.
I liked it but had to red it a few times to get it--something about the flow and connections, but I am not sure what.
Thanks for a great story.
Gordon
Kerry says:
Loved this one, Rick. Your 813 page novel without a single consonant is priceless. And you're still hoping for a publisher! Particularly after Mickey's endorsement! Love it.
I was happy with your handling of time. Making a clear break and defining that there's 'half a month to go' left the reader clear about the sequence.
I like the way you seem so sane throughout but your perspective on the world has obviously taken a tilt by the end.
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