When they’d first met on the afternoon of the first orchestral concert of the season, Bruce had been sitting next to her and was excited by her confidence and her willingness to engage in conversation. She’d let him know her circumstances right up front.
“I don’t usually chat up strange men,” she had admitted, laughing. “Not that I think you’re strange,” she had hurriedly corrected herself. “I just mean you’re someone I don’t know. I’ve been a bit wary since my husband passed away three years ago.”
He noted the reference to her widowhood.
Silly old bugger, he’d thought to himself. Can’t you just enjoy a lady’s company without wondering about what’s next?
Bruce had maintained the relationship, which had developed over the orchestral season, at a purely platonic level. ‘Once burned, twice shy’ was his motto.
Apart from music, they had discovered a mutual passion for bridge. By chance, Bruce’s long-time bridge partner had recently moved into a nursing home so he had invited her to join him for the weekly bridge mornings in his local church hall. Her bridge skills were very good, he’d had to admit.
He broached the tricky subject of the future over coffee after the final Saturday matinee of the season. His insight had come that morning at the sight of two towels hanging side by side on the back of his bathroom door. They were a remnant of his first marriage, discreetly labelled ‘HIS’ and ‘HERS’. It had been a long time since ‘HERS’ had been used, but seeing it he realised the pain of the divorce had finally subsided.
“My dear, I reckon we get on pretty well,” he said, after they’d received their coffee. Stating the obvious as usual, he reprimanded himself.
Bruce was encouraged to go on by the brilliance of her smile.
“Over the last few months we’ve got to know each other and I really enjoy your company,” he blundered on. “I want you to know that I’d like to share my whole life with you.”
Do you know what you’re doing here, old man? He mused to himself. You really think you’re ready to share your life with someone again?
To clarify his intentions to her, and to himself, he went on.
“We’ve both been married before. Mine wasn’t always a happy marriage but I realise I like having someone to share my days with,” he explained.
“And my nights,” he added hastily, to make sure she got the full gist of the proposal.
Despite her soft blush, she reached over to him to ease his awkwardness.
“I’m not always easy to live with,” she confessed. “You’ve seen at the bridge table how stubborn I can be. But I would love to live with you.”
“Here’s to a brilliant partnership!” Bruce declared happily and saluted her with his coffee cup.
She responded to his gesture with her cup. They kissed warmly.
“I want you to have this,” he said mysteriously, reaching in to his bag.
He handed her the towel marked ‘HERS’.
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3 comments:
Jenny says:
I love that you ended with the gift of the towel - fabulous!
I found the passive tense a little difficult "he had", "they had" - I felt a bit lost because you started there, and we didn't get anything immediate for quite some time.
It would have worked better to start with something in the here and now, and then flash back.
For example, start with him looking at the towels, then flash back to the beginning of the relationship in his thoughts while he looks at the towel.
In terms of POV, I think the love story suffered a bit from being an outsider's view of the couple. They were presented as relatively unattractive people, settling for one another in preference to loneliness.
I would have liked to see more of what they saw in one another, or at least what Bruce saw in her, since the story was from his POV.
It would al so have helped, I think, if she had a name.
That said, it's a nice love story despite the POV niggles. And the everyday object was very well used!
I DO love a falling-in-love story! And it's lovely to see an older couple's version.
I think a story needs to be anchored in a PRESENT. The "present" of this story is the end-of-season coffee meeting, so perhaps the story starts there. Maybe we get to know the background through his thinking while he waits for her. Suspense gets built because he's full of suspense and uncertainty about whether she'll accept his proposal. She's feisty at bridge and no pushover! And he wants her to accept DESPERATELY. That way we get more empathy for him.
I love the "hers" towel and the symbolism of it. It must be the homeliest thing there can be in a living-together relationship. Maybe he's fingering the terrycloth while he's waiting for her.
As you can see, I'm completely caught up in your idea!
Good and complex story and I loved the ending.
Re POV, I didn't really get a clear picture of Bruce. Like how old, rich or poor etc. In fact I got more early on about the lady. In that first line re "her confidence and her willingness" not sure if this is his POV.
I found the tense a bit awkward and in quite a few places there were long complex sentences where I re-read to get the story.
The idea for the story is great and I loved the awkwardness of him proposing - very real.
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