Bert bounced out of the shower, toweled himself down vigorously all the while whistling My Funny Valentine. In 20 minutes he was meeting up with his fiancée, Deb, for their first Valentine’s Day together. She was staying in town and meeting him at their favorite restaurant followed by a night at the opera and then back to the flat for a romantic finale to the day.
As he went to leave the bathroom, the door didn’t open and he smacked his forehead against the door. “What the hell is this?” he muttered to himself rubbing his head. He tried the door again. Stuck firm. There was no lock on the door so somehow it must have jammed.
“Oh this is just great” he said out loud. “Just what I need.”
He gave the door a couple of good hits with his shoulder but it didn’t budge. “Damn I should have brought my mobile phone in. I could ring the superintendant to come and get me out.” Of course Bert never took his phone in when he was showering because it always got all covered with moisture.
He took a closer look at the door. Standard door, hinges in the bathroom because the door opened into the bathroom. “No problem” he said. “I’ll just remove the pins from the hinges and I’m outa here.”
But of course it wasn’t that easy. He tried prying up the top one with his fingernails but stopped when he bent his thumbnail back. He tried using the edge of his toothbrush and then snapped Deb’s nail file in two. “God, what sort of idiot doesn’t keep a hammer and screwdriver under the sink” he shouted.
Trapped. “I’m going to be late and I hate being late.” he nattered. “And I can’t even let Deb know. Think Bert, think.”
“Well the doors just going to have to come off.” he said to no one but his reflection. “No more Mister Niceguy”
Be backed up, lowered his shoulder and took a run at the door. The whole bathroom shook, enough to shake the fluorescent bulb out of its clamp plunging him into darkness as he bounced off the steadfast door and back onto the floor where he banged the back of his head sharply on the toilet.
He wasn’t sure what hurt worst: his shoulder (that was going to bruise!), his head (there would be lumps), his throbbing thumb or his pride. He grabbed the edge of the tub and as he lifted his aching body from the floor there was some rustling at the door and it suddenly flew open.
There bathed in light was his beautiful Deb, nude except for 3 strategically placed hearts that spelled out “Be My Valentine”.
“Oh no”, she cried. “I’ve totally ruined your surprise. I didn’t want you to come out until I was ready so I jammed a chair under the door knob. I’m so sorry. Look at you.”
As Bert gazed at her a bit gob smacked, he thought to himself, “Wow, I must be marrying her for her body” He also noticed that all of his pain was gone.
“Come on” he said picking her up in his arms. “I’ll show you surprised.”
They never did make it to the opera.
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3 comments:
Jenny says:
Love the ending - and it's one from a different mould to the first three!
I'm not sure how Deb didn't hear him yelling, but apart from that everything flowed really well.
The "marrying her for her body" thought was priceless!
Bert is my kinda guy. Quick thinking, a ready improviser, utterly romantic, and able to get off it with a second’s notice. A nice characterisation!
The story is fun and fast moving, with not a word wasted. His conversation to himself is lively, revealing of the character and forwarding of the action. Great plot!
I wasn’t sure if Deb understood what was happening with Bert before she opened the door and saw his battered body. Somehow this seemed important to me – maybe you could have eased that transition.
Poop. I just lost all my comments.
this is a great read and the context well set up at the beginning. In particular I loved the para that has Bert shouldering the door and ending up bouncing off the toilet. Great action lines and good word pictures.
Re suggestions. I thought the moisture and the phone was a bit unnecessary and personally I would prefer the bracketed words to be included in the text.
A great read. I enjoyed it and in particular loved the ending. Very clever.
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