Flick, pause, flick, flick, pa.............use. The photo of the African elephant zooms off the page of the travel brochure. He’s in full charge with ears flapping and a beautiful wrinkly grey trunk extended. I briefly take in the magic of the photo, how the photographer has captured the elephant in flight, all in perfect focus, even his eyebrows.
I’m lying along the black leather sofa with big comfy feather cushions supporting my back. With my long tanned legs bent, I am perfectly balancing the magazine against my knees. Bob Marley’s soft sexy reggae voice sends shivers down my back. My tummy turns sommersaults as I look at the photo.
I have just inherited $100,000. That is like five years income for me and even that is erratic. The life of a travel writer is definitely unpredictable. This is the chance of a lifetime. To travel where I want to go, for as long as I like. No strings attached to that editor. Not answerable to anyone. My tummy catapults up towards my throat, I gasp as I run out of breath, my eyes water with awe. God, that elephant is beautiful.
The travel agent is a specialist for Africa and tonight’s video night is a first for me. Usually all the travel planning and bookings are done for me and all I have to do is turn up and write. But this is mine, all mine, to research, to plan. All I really know is, I want to go to Namibia and as my thoughts wander off and my memory recalls that elephant, I vaguely hear someone talking to me.
“So Sue, why Africa, why Namibia?”
Ï’ve just always wanted to go. It’s a sort of romantic yearning. I can only imagine exploring the wild, wide open spaces and experiencing that space of nothing but everything. Of winding my way around those enormous enveloping sand dunes that hug the south coast, of camping under the stars, of making the first footprints in the virginal sand, of watching the wisps of sand dance off the knife edge dunes as the wind picks up the tiny sandy grains. Add to all of that the animals, the local African villages and the sheer joy of doing this myself, for as long as I like.
I am sitting on a hard backed chair, hunched forward with my head in my hands. I’m transfixed as the slideshow takes me into the world of my dreams. The giraffes, on their spindly legs graze happily at the top of the acacia trees. The elephants roll around in the muddy waterhole, the babies frolicking and snorting in the shallows. The hilarious wart hog dashes across the screen as he’s chased by a young golden lioness.
I’m there, there in the desert.
The lights go on. There’s a bubbling, babble of voices only just within my thoughts. They get louder. There’s laughter, there’s comraderie, there’s excitement.
“Well Sue, are you coming with us?”
“You be......................”. I jam shut my mouth. I’m usually so impulsive but right now I can hear my little inner voice.
“Hey, not so fast. You said you wanted to research, to plan, to savour every moment of the preparation. To live like the locals, to dwell in their world. To ponder the possibilities. To live your dream”.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
So, will you go, Sue?
You conveyed me so completely into your romantic vision of the African prairies and its wildlife and your freedom as a freelance photographer and then said 'not yet'. Very tantalizing.
I had to stop and gather myself together however at the beginning. Was this a fantasy piece? Is the elephant really taking flight? I wonder whether there could be another way to construct the second sentence so that the reader knows you're indulging in a flight of fancy, without feeling tricked somehow.
I also felt the second paragraph was superfluous, sexy but not really adding to the story. Perhaps I'm confused by the timeline of the piece. You've got the leather sofa then the hard-backed chair. How much time elapses between the two?
I loved the descriptive response to the question 'Why Namibia, Sue?' Very evocative.
From Rick
Very sensual and very enrolling. It was more like hearing you tell us about this fantastic place you already visited. I was there and had to Google Namibia to find out more.
I got confused about the time/space of where Sue is/was. I thought at first Sue was at home relaxing on her sofa going over a travel brochure but next she's at a video night with friends. POV was ok but I got a bit lost.
Heather says:
Your PoV works consistently throughout the piece. Your character is well drawn and your central theme of passionately wanting to do the trip, and to do it your way, comes through clearly.
As others have said, I got confused with the timeframes: 2 separate occasions and I'm not sure WHY or where one begins the other other ends. Why not just one occasion, say the travel agents, with a little background about why you and your friends are there. Then the point at which your agenda diverges from theres becomes even more accentuated.
Small PoV thing: the "my long tanned legs" thing is a little jarring. You're supposed to be enraptured with elephants, not digressing to admire your legs!
Post a Comment