Crunch of boots on brittle stone
Innocent sleep suspended
Guns glow dark reflecting clouds
Weakening moon transcended
Vision lost ...
Blast of screaming in the night
Blistering fire is sated
In darkness lit by burning life
Humanity violated
This chapter of loathing ...
Black snake birthing fear and hate
Stealth and greed demented
Mount of separation built
Stone on stone cemented
Impenetrable ...
Generations prejudiced
Lack of understanding
Tales repeated lap to lap
Clothed in metal banding
Endless ignorance ...
Rock by rock thrown dams the flow
Of streams to parched earth blackened
Putrid scum forms crusts of hate
On mud of black pus crackened
Festers eternity ...
Life condemned to death by fear
Impervious to thunder
Distorted, deafened by the hate
That drags the whole world under
Yet ...
The seed springs, faltering word
Spoken wary, still half-formed
Fledgling chapter easily crushed
Augers birth of hope reformed
Forgiveness ...
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6 comments:
I like it with very strong brush strokes. I am having problems with the point of view.
Gordon
Hi Kerry
I just love, and loathe your poem. It has wonderfully strong images. The ending at least has me feel good again. I think this is one of your best ever. Like Gordon there isn't really a POV here.
Keep up the good work.
Heather says:
I completely loved this, Kerry. As Gordon says, its broad brush strokes are its power. It's like some of your paintings, to me: I'm hammered back against the wall and sometimes don't know exactly why.
But I do know that if as humanity we allowed ourselves to fully witness this chapter of loathing, we'd be different in the world.
The image, "Tales repeated lap to lap" moves me enormously.
Thank you!
Kerry said:
Thanks for your comments. I wrote this piece before our conversation on POV however I suggest that there is a POV here. It is the 'omniscient' or detached narrator commenting on the human condition.
I had to smile at the thought of you being hammered back against the wall, Heather. I like the idea of moving someone to that extent, whether they appreciate it or not.
From Rick
Ok Kerry, confess. You "borrowed" this from John Keats or someone like him to impress us.
Point of View? This is a poem. I'm not sure there is supposed to be one.
Kerry this landed for me as a great poem. I think you should submit if for publication.
Jenny said:
This is a really strong poem, Kerry, and I really like the little green shoot of hope at the end.
Sometimes, to make the rhymes work, I needed to read words with the emphasis on a different syllable from normal speech, eg "vioLATed" - this was a bit distracting.
I know it's hard to express and rhyme at all, but sometimes switching words around can lead to fascinating serendipities and new imagery, so I would encourage you to explore further when rhymes have to be "pushed into shape" like that.
The imagery of putrid scum, crusts of hate, and black pus is really powerful. You are an artist with words as well as on canvas!
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