Jim tries to snuggle down. He’s cold and stiff and his feather duvet feels light, course and hairy. There’s no pillow, only his rolled by jacket. And there’s no mattress. He gingerly opens one eye. Little black dots dance into his vision and fuzzy bars wave against a small slot of blue sky.
“What the hell?” and he slowly opens the other eye.
The walls are almost within reach. They look like dirty grey cement. The door looks normal but it’s closed. As he sits up, his brain wobbles like a jelly just out of the fridge. He hugs the revolting, smelly blanket.
“Jail! I’m in jail! Good god what happened? Where am I?”
The shock wakes a bit of sense into his brain. He notices he’s wearing his dinner suit. It’s smeared with mud and patches of what looks like oil. The knees are torn and a bit of bloody flesh peeps through. He empties his pockets.
A dice, the ace of diamonds, a champagne cork, his bow tie and his wallet.
“Phew. Thank goodness I’ve got my wallet” and he lays out all the pieces like bits of a jigsaw.
“Well, the casino I ‘spose” he’s not sure.
His brain still wobbles but it’s starting to thaw.
“Casino?”
He pulls at his fringe, wrestling it into curls.
“Goddamn it man, think”
He picks up the black leather wallet, smooth from the years of sliding in and out of his pocket. He fondles it almost lovingly.
“What the fuck?” and he drops it like a hot potato. It’s empty.
He rests his head in his hands and tries to massage out his memory.
“Got it. You bastard”
A vivid snapshot of an ugly, skinny wretch of a guy jumps into view. He’s tall, blond and wears a red velvet bow tie. He’s got a grin that stretches from ear to ear. His arm is tightly around amy, his beautiful wife. Damn it, no. His ex wife. Jim grinned. God had he hit him. He’d socked him right in the mouth. Bits of tooth and blood had oozed down his face.
The lead up to the fight played before his eyes. It was his ex wife’s 60th and his kids had arranged a surprise party. Of course Jim was invited and slobber chops was obviously there. At the end of a very civilized party, although Jim knew he was drinking too much, the guys decided to keep partying and ten of then ended up in the back room of the local sleazy convenience store.
Jim rubbed his eyes as he remembered the thick smokey room, the champagne glass, one minute full and the next empty, then full again. He recalled Amy was there serving the booze. Every now and again she would casually lay her arm around ass holes shoulder.
The dice rolled, the cards snapped, the money came, went, came, went.
Then. The fight. Then. The rest of the night faded in and out and then went black.
2 comments:
A really fun read.
Great characterisation of your smooth-operator Jim. He comes across as a debonaire, devil-may-care action-oriented guy – maybe James Bond in 20 or 30 years. I like the way he draws the evening together and his nonchalant reaction to it.
You've scrivened a really classic line: "The dice rolled, the cards snapped, the money came, went, came, went." Nice!
There were a couple of places where your POV didn't quite work, e.g "his brain wobbles like a jelly just out of the fridge". The narrator can't see it wobbling and it wouldn't feel quite like that to Jim.
Kerry says:
I like the way you've brought together all the items and the story, Sue. The story telling is a bit disjointed which is probably much the way Jim's brain is working but there are times where it's tricky for the reader. For instance, "Well, the casino I 'spose" he's not sure. The casino was a red herring in the end I think. It's an interesting problem for us all this time, dealing with a character who can't remember what happened and unravelling the story without confusing the reader in the process.
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