The Knife and the Thief
For months, I lay on the store shelf, sensing the world around me. There were many sounds but not my language. It was lonely. My place was on a high shelf above the reach of small people and I was electronically activated.
Late one afternoon, a shadow passed over me making my world dark for a moment. Swiftly, and very lightly, two fingers clasped me and I was carried into the palm of a hot sweaty hand. In a seeming rush of air I was suddenly squeezed tight. I could no longer see or even hear but could feel the warmth of the hand pressing hard on me. With a sense of being moved in slow moving leaps and bounds I was then placed in a dark yet soft pocket with cloth all around me. I was amongst keys on a round silver coloured ring, a soft and fluffy handkerchief and a dark shiny wallet. I tried to speak to them, but none understood. They must be from another country.
Again we bounced along for a little while and then stopped. I heard doors opening and shutting. Then, I felt a sudden downward movement as though going down a big hole. I remember the opposite feeling, long ago, of being lifted upwards.
The bouncing started again, and all of a sudden there was a very large sound of an alarm ringing. The bouncing became violent and I was so mixed up with the handkerchief and the key ring I could not sort out what was up or down. Quickly the rapid motion slowed to regular leaps and bounds with bouncing in amongst the key ring, handkerchief and wallet. They were chattering to themselves in a rather excited way. I sensed that something was wrong. Eventually, all was calm and my life settled down to sitting inside a pocket, day after day.
It was a hot steamy evening and I travelled a long distance listening to the throaty roar of a motorbike engine. It stopped. A ragged and aggressive argument pursued. The warm sweaty hand took tight hold. I sensed anger, panic and threat but could see nothing of the drama that was unfolding. I could sense pushing and shoving as I moved backwards and forwards. It was terror unfolding. Then, held so tightly I was nearly strangled, I was taken out of the pocket and my blade opened. In the bright sunlight I could see a very tall man and I was in the iron-fisted grip of another.
With a frightening lunge, I was headed for the chest of the tall man, slightly at an angle. My silver blade was ready to penetrate his rib cage when I was hit so hard that I flew, spinning, up into the air and into the middle of a large tree. My blade smashed into the bark. I stuck there. There I hung, year after year, rain wind and snow, wondering how close I came to killing that tall, good-looking man.
Gordon MacAulay
15 March 2009
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3 comments:
Kerry says:
Almost a slow-motion start to the story, Gordon. Every sensation felt in detail. Nice contrast to the action at the end. Interesting how the story stopped for me when you mentioned settling down, 'sitting in a pocket, day after day'. It took something for me to rev up again. Maybe you could see a way to keep the interest going here. Thanks for another story.
I just love your language. More writing please! I enjoyed the beginning and in particular the first time he was in the pocket with the key ring and hanky. I loved "I tried to speak to them but they spoke a different language". There's a great build up to the terrifying stabbing scene and I loved the ending, different I thought and it linked back to how the story started lying on the shelf. I just couldn't get the bouncing around and up and down scene. It didn't add to the story and was confusing.
Well done. Its a great read.
Heather says:
As Sue says, I love your use of language, Gordon, often so clear and vivid they create strong emotion. E.g. I had to laugh out loud with: "I was so mixed up with the handkerchief and the key ring I could not sort out what was up or down".
I got lost with "going down a big hole". Still not sure what the action was there.
I could have done without "that tall, good-looking man" - I'm sure you were trying to develop the knife's character here but it was a bit too human a perspective for my taste. Otherwise, I found the action in the final scene terrific - clear, dramatic, detailed.
A really enjoyable story.
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