A Man of Many Words

“Mr. Baxter come in. Please have a seat. My name is John Hobbs and I’ve read over your resume a few times. Very impressive I must say.”

(Impressive? What makes him say that?) “Thank you Mr. Hobbs. I’m sure I have some skills that would make me the perfect choice for this job.”

“My staff corroborated some of the referees on your resume. If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a few questions about some of the personal things you included.”

(Personal things? I didn’t put in any personal things.) “Certainly Mr. Hobbs. Ask away.”

“You say here that writing is one of your hobbies. Tell me a bit about that.”

(Writing? What’s he reading? Shit I don’t think he’s reading from my resume.) “Well I always loved reading since I was a little boy and I thought it would be fun to write as well. I like to take on science fiction and imagine what might our future look like. Or political thrillers. I haven’t had anything published though, so I can’t really show you anything.”

“Did you write your own resume?”

(Well he got that one right. But I’m not sure it’s the one he’s reading) “Sure did.”

“You also say that you like travelling. Tell me a bit about your time in Amsterdam.”

(Amsterdam? Christ now I know he’s not reading my resume. God what am I doing?) “Well the thing that I like most about the Dutch is how open they are. I know they receive a lot of criticism from some about their views say on drugs but I think a liberal approach to issues like that is better for society.”

“Did you sample the wares if you know what I mean?” Mr. Hobbs said with a bit of a conspiring wink.

(Damn, now he thinks I’m a druggie.) “Well let’s just say that I might have done a few things that I wouldn’t necessarily do at home. I’d rather leave it at that.”

“Ok, I’ll move on. You say here that you love playing football. Do you consider yourself a good team player?”

(Football? Yeah like when I was 7) “What I love about football is that it’s a team sport. Sure it’s great to be a star and I love to score a try as much as the next bloke, but the team comes first. I’ll be the first to pass the ball to a mate if it looks like he’s in the best position to score.” (Where do I come up with this stuff?)

“One more thing, something not related to your resume. Have you ever heard of Senator Percy Filmore?”

(Oh God, that pompous windbag.) “Certainly, who hasn’t. I’ve always thought he speaks forcefully to the issues.”

“Forcefully for sure.” Hobbs laughed, “but he’s a pompous windbag for my money.”

“Look Baxter, I’ll get right to the point. I’ve got some bad news and possible good news for you. First the bad news. You’re not really qualified for this job.”

“But what you might like is another job that I’m looking to fill and I think you’re perfect for it. I work directly for Senator Filmore, the windbag we were just talking about. I love him dearly but he does go on a bit. And that’s really what I see you qualified for.”

“He has a team of 3 writers, people who take the Senator’s words and put them into a form that is more, let’s just say pleasant for the average person to hear. One of the writers is retiring and we have a position for a new junior member for the team. I think you would be perfect for it. And it also pays $10,000 more than the other job. What do you think?”

(Me a writer? I think he’s nuts but what the hell.) “Mr Hobbs, I’ll admit it’s not what I came here for but if you think I’m qualified, I’ll go with your judgement. I accept.”

“Come with me Baxter. We’ll get you started on the paperwork. Oh and don’t worry about the interview. I was just as creative in making up the questions as you were in answering the. Which is just what I’ve been looking for. Someone who can answer a question without lying and yet not exactly be telling the truth either. What we call a spin doctor and I think you have the makings of a good one.”

“By the way, have you ever actually been to Amsterdam?”